No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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