They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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