the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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