We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
