Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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