that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
