does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize