somebody snuck up and got me drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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