i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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