the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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