I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
