we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
