Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
