I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
