it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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