Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
