He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
