we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
