Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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