idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
