I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
