I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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