so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
