Cold hands, warm shart.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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