four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
