he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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