Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
