Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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