i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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