i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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