I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And the cops told us we were all naked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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