margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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