Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
