listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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