YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
