My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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