oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
