3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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