i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
