If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Are we still banned from the library?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
