How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
