youre lurking in front of me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
