did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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