i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PANTIES FOUND
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