I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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