You're so nebulous sometimes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
