she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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