I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
