There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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