So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
