I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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