I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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