My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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