Can Purell be used as lube?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
