Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
