So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize