Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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