I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
