we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
