Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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