he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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