Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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