never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
