she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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